Lord I will love you...

Perhaps you've seen the movie, Facing the Giants and you recognize that line from the movie. It has been a quote that has enabled me to hold onto the Lord throughout the many trials I have faced in the past few years. For those of you who don't know or don't remember, the wife of the coach in the movie had her heart set on becoming a mother. She seemed to be having trouble conceiving and soon discovered that it was her husband who had a problem which led to their childlessness. At one point as her husband held her, he asked her, "Will you still love the Lord if he doesn't give us a baby?" Initially she held him and wept. Later in the movie, she left her ob's office sad and dejected as she received yet again the news that she was not pregnant. As she stood in the parking lot of her doctor's office, she looked up to the heavens with tears in her eyes and said, "Lord, I will still love you, I will still love you..." Of course, if you've seen the movie you know that a nurse runs out to tell her that her test was mixed up with someone else's test and she is, in fact, pregnant. I cry every time at that point in the movie! Well, in my own life, I've experienced some bitter times as well as many blessings. Lately, I've had to deal with a great deal of struggles and hardships and it's been really difficult to deal with. I've wanted to give up, walk away, quit my life, and all that it entails. Forget homeschooling, forget attempting to live a Godly life, forget trying to be a good mom and wife... Forget it all. It is at these times when the Lord has gently whispered into my ear, "will you still love me?" Will you still love me when you're struggling? Will you still love me when it's hard, will you still love me when the doctors are telling you you're probably having a miscarriage? My answer, of course is "Yes Lord, I will still love you." It was the clearest to me on the way to the emergency room last week when I started bleeding. I was so scared, I wanted this baby so bad. I thought, "Lord, aren't we going through enough? I can't handle anything else, I can't handle losing this child!" Again I heard that gentle voice speaking to my heart. I turned to Rob, who is usually calm, but looked quite flustered as he raced to the emergency room. "Honey, regardless of what happens today, I want you to know that I will still love God." He gave me a nervous smile and replied, " I know honey, we both will." "He's our Father and we can trust him, in all things, and even in this." As I lay in the bed while the nurse searched for a heartbeat, I don't even remember breathing. I was so scared, but I was going to trust God's will in this. It seemed like time was standing still as the nurse fumbled to find the baby's heartbeat... "Where do they usually find it?" she asked. I suppose I replied, though I don't remember what I said. After what seemed like hours, I heard that familiar and oh so welcome sound of my child's beating heart. Immediately I started breathing again and the tears began to slowly cascade down my weary face. Then the floodgates opened... I couldn't stop the tears, so much so, that the nurse sounded as if she were talking to a five year old as she tried to coax me into not crying... I had decided that I was going to trust God's will if he chose to take this baby home to him, but I was relieved that he allowed us to continue to anticipate the birth of our new little one. I'm still not out of the woods according to my many doctors (four now), but either way, whatever happens in my life or with this precious one growing in my womb, I have decided that I will love God no matter what.

Food, Java, and Man's land...The Perfect Date

I just had the best date with my husband. We both woke up a little blah this morning, perhaps it was the "24" marathon that we engaged in last night as we caught up on the one show we actually watch. There is something about watching the good guys catch the bad guys, but I digress. We went to church and were of course inspired by the great teaching of our pastor and by the worship service led by our new worship leader. It was just what the doctor ordered, even if we were foolish enough to stay up until 2:30 last night! The kids were with my mom, so someone mentioned that we should go on a date, go figure... Why didn't we think of that? We had a very low key lunch at Luby's where I was able to get a semi-healthy meal with plenty of veggies which I was happy about because I'm really trying to keep my glucose levels under control... It was just great sitting together, talking and laughing. We talked about our dreams, the Lord and what we felt he is teaching us and all of this with no interruptions from children or me playing referee between the four of them! We decided to go to get some coffee and for once, dh wanted to sit INSIDE the coffeehouse and yep you guessed it TALK! Wow! I was amazed. He is the king of, let's pick it up and go home, so I was thrilled to sit and chat over coffee. When we finished with our coffee, I had a great idea. Here is how the conversation went. ME:"Hey honey, why don't we do something fun before we go home?" DH:Looking like a deer caught in headlights; "Umm, well, what did you have in mind?" ME:Well, since it's our anniversary next month, why don't we go and spend some imaginary money on an anniversary gift for us?" DH: Staring blankly out of the window... "Well...umm...err.."ME:Come on sweetie, we can goto Best Buy." DH:Looking as if he had just won the lottery."Well, hey, sure, that sounds fun!" Okay, so he doesn't like to shop except at "man stores"... So we strolled through Best Buy perusing the flat screen televisions envisioning something nice and big for our game room.(Which is also imaginary for the moment) We laughed and joked and sat down and compared the different sizes and brands and as silly as it seems, we had alot of fun. It was the best date we've had in a long time. I don't know if that's good or sad! Either way, in case you're wondering, we purchased a 50 inch panasonic, of course, that is, we would have, but sadly enough, the store refused to take our imaginary money!

Superwoman throws a party!

Tonight we had a birthday celebration for Robert's birthday. His actual birthday was on Halloween, but we were at church that night and decided to wait until today to actually celebrate. The kids were excited and we spent the day cleaning, since Rob doesn't really like "gifts", but does enjoy a super clean house. It was such a blessing to see the boys so excited about cleaning up for their Dad. Bobby tackled the bathroom while Phillip and I doubled up in the kitchen. With my pregnancy, housework has not been a high priority, so we had quite a bit to do. Of course Daniel was "tired" as he always is when it comes to cleaning, but Ria was a trooper in picking up and putting things away. While Ria and I prepared and baked Rob's birthday cake (pineapple upside down cake) the boys attacked the mountain of laundry in the living room while watching Peter Pan. I cooked Rob chicken spaghetti with a salad and green beans, not realizing that Rob had actually requested grilled chicken with rice... Somewhere in our conversation on Sunday, I turned the volume off and ignored the last part of our conversation when he asked me to grill the chicken. It wasn't a big deal, but I wanted the meal to be special to him and in my frustration I almost started crying because I felt that the evening was ruined without the chicken. Obviously I was having a very pregnant hormonal moment. He was not upset at all, but I was, so I put on my superwoman cape, which I have been trying to wean myself from, and grabbed some chicken breast, marinade and a plastic bag. I warmed up the grill, marinated the chicken for about 25 minutes and presto, my desire to cry subsided. Of course, Rob assured me that there was no need for me to cook the chicken, but I am of course, superwoman! Mom and Dad came over for dinner and we all sat down and had a great dinner. Every one loved the food and the cake was a big hit. Most of all, Rob was happy. The kids all made cards for Dad and the older kids wrote him letters. He loved the "gifts" and I felt bad, because in the busyness of my day, I, superwoman, forgot to write my own happy birthday letter. Oh well, I guess I'll hang up that cape again, or atleast send it to the cleaners.